The Story of an Angel's Darkest Secret
by Lovin' Big Time Rush
Summary: "This is by far my darkest secret. There's a reason way my father brings me back to life everytime I die...I made a mistake so big that I can never be forgiven." The only thing taken from Dead Like Me is the plot, everything else is SPN! Dean/Castiel


**A/N: Just a Destiel one shot. The plot is from Dead Like Me, but only the plot (no characters). Please R&R and enjoy. **

Tears slowly cascaded down the fallen angel's cheek. They slid down the endless planes of his face, rolling off his chin and onto the floor. Only when he heard Dean shuffling in his sleep did Castiel quickly wipe away his tears and take in a slow shuttering breath. He had tried to be quiet. He didn't want Dean to hear him crying. He didn't want the hunter to see the ex-angel of the lord so vulnerable. Evidently he wasn't quiet enough.

"Cas?" Dean asked sleepily. Dean rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed trying to focus his vision on the still awake man. Castiel was sitting in one of the rickety chairs at the small dining table. A quick glance at the other bed in the room showed that Sam had gone out in the middle of the night for some reason. "Where's Sam?" Dean asked turning back to Castiel.

"I don't know. He was already gone when I arrived." Castiel replied. He had tried to keep his words steady, but they cracked halfway through and his breathing came out in awkward puffs. Dean furrowed his eyebrows and swung his legs over the bed.

"Have- have you been crying." Dean asked slowly standing up, shaking slightly from sleepiness. Castiel shook his head and pursed his lips.

"No." He replied stubbornly, much like a child. Dean closed the distance between them and took Castiel's head between his large hands. He wiped his thumb under the fallen angel's eyes and frowned when his thumbs became wet.

"Yes you were." Dean replied, continuing to wipe away any remaining tears from Castiel's face. Castiel turned his face away from Dean and frowned.

"I was an Angel of the Lord, Dean. I do not cry." Castiel relied pointedly.

"Yeah, keyword was." Dean muttered. He instantly regretted saying that as Castiel's chin dipped down and sadness flashed in his eyes. Dean sighed before grabbing the other man's chin and forcing him to look at him. "Look Cas. You're practically human now. It's okay to have emotions and to show them, it's natural. If you ever want to talk about it, I'll always be here." Castiel looked into Dean's green orbs, gauging if the man was making fun of him for crying like a girl or if his words were true. All he could find was concern and honesty. Castiel slowly nodded before pulling his chin out of Deans grasp and staring at something across the room. Dean sighed and started to move away, but Castiel quickly grabbed the hunters arm.

"I- I want to talk about it." He said quietly, his gravelly voice still ringing in the deadly quiet room. Dean swiftly nodded and sat in the seat next to the ex-angel. Castiel took a deep breath. "This is by far my darkest secret. There's a reason way my father brings me back to life everytime I die." Dean looked at the man, curiosity building in his eyes. "It's as punishment. I can fall, rip out my grace, and die, but I will never stay dead. I failed my father; I made a mistake so big that I can never be forgiven." Castiel hung his head and Dean gulped. He was afraid of what Castiel might tell him. He was afraid of what Castiel could've done to make his own father want to punish him again and again, but at the same time, Dean couldn't believe there was such a thing. He couldn't imagine Castiel doing something so horrendous.

"I'm sure that's not the reason, Cas." Dean tried to reason, a small reassuring smile forcing its way onto his lips. Castiel just sighed and shook his head, a new batch of tear slowly making an appearance behind his eyes.

"It is. I did something terrible. I did something horrible to be fathers most loved creation." Again tears cascaded down Castiels cheeks. Dean gasped. Humans were God's most loved creation. What could Castiel, the angel who loves humans more than any other angel, have done? Dean took a deep breath and quietly listened and Castiel told him of a time when creation and just started.

* * *

_Flashback_

A long, long, long time ago God created the Earth. He created the sky and the ocean. He created plants and trees. He created animals and humans. But God didn't just create tangible things, he also created intangible things such as life, happiness, love, lust, and death. God didn't really see the use of the latter though, so he sealed death in an urn. After he made sure that death was secure, he began his search for a keeper of death. He needed an angel to guard the urn with death, and make sure the urn was never broken and death was never released. He eventually called upon a fairly young angel named Castiel. Castiel was different from all the other angels. He respected and loved God's creations more than all the other angels. He asked Castiel to watch over the urn, warning him to be extremely careful with it or else life would literally end for humans. Castiel's eyes had grown wide and with a gulp he had nodded his head and promised to guard the urn with his life, no pun intended. God had merely laughed and nodded to the young angel handing over the urn. Castiel took the urn and istantly pulled it to his chest to keep it safe.

For almost a hundred years Castiel had done his job. He watched over the urn everyday, and he made sure that death had not escped, but one day everything changed. His brother Gabriel, an archangel, came by to see Castiel. Gabriel had noticed the urn and had asked to hold it. Castiel refused to allow his brother to even look at it, claiming that it was to important. Gabriel was relentless. He begged and pleaded with his brother promising not to drop the urn if he would just allow him to hold it. Castiel eventually gave in, reluctantly handing the urn over to his brother. Gabriel smiled brightly as he took the urn and thrust it into the air. He easily caught it befor throwing it up again in a juggling fashion. Castiel sqealled in fear and made lundge for the object but Gabriel was to fast. He caught it and laughed telling his brother to relax. Castiel just shook his head and watch in fear as Gabreil continued to juggle with the precious object. Gabriel accidently threw the urn up to high, and he was unable to catch it before it smashed to the ground. Castiel stared in horror as the broken urn emitted a black smoke and an old looking man emerged from it. The man vanished and Castiel glared at his brother. He was angry at Gabriel for not listening to him, but he was more afraid to tell God that he had let death out of the urn. When Castiel did tell God, he was furious. He told Castiel it was his fault that fish, toads, humans, and even angels would all die now, because he had let death out of the urn. God looked down at Castiel, tears swelling in the young angels eyes and he proceeded to tell the angel that he would be punished. No matter how many times he was killed, he would always be brought back to life. No matter how many times he was brought back to life, he would fall from grace. The worse thing though, was that Castiel was no longer allowed to see God. That day Castiel fell from grace for the first time and everyday after that he pray to God apologizing and wishing for his mercy.

* * *

Castiel finished and looked up expecting Dean to be gone He wasn't though. He was still there, shocked but still there. He placed his hand on top of Castiel's that was lying on the table. He gave the hand a warm squeeze.

"Your father is an even bigger dick than angels." He said jokingly. Castiel chocked out a laugh and wiped away his tears with his free hand. "Look Cas," Dean said seriously this time, "You made a mistake, a huge one, but you shouldn't be punished forever for it. That's unfair. It wasn't even your fault."

"But the urn was my responisablity." Castiel cut in shaking his head. Dean just sighed and cupped Castiel's cheek with his free hand.

"You need to forgive yourself." He started into the ocean of blue eyes infront of him and internally sighed at all the self-hatred, the sadness, and the pain swimming inside them. Castiel had taken full responsibility for letting death out of the urn for so long that it was finally tearing him apart piece by piece. Dean rubbed his thumb across the stubbly skin and his eyes dropped down to the ex-angels lips. They trembled slightly, and all hunter wanted to do was still them between his own. So he did. He slowly leaned in and captured the slightly chapped, pink lips between his own and kissed the man in front of him. He kissed his slowly, showing his patience and willingness to wait for the other man. He kissed him with forgiveness, forgiving him for the fact the Dean has died before and will die for good one day because of him. And he kissed him with love and passion, showing that no matter what this is what he truly wanted.

When they pulled away Castiel's eyes were wide with surprise. He couldn't believe Dean had kissed him. Dean freaking Winchester just kissed him. The man he went to hell for. The man he fought for forty years to save. The man who he pieced back together and raised from perdition. That man had just kissed him. The man who was perfectly human and would surely die one day because Castiel was a young careless angel. That man had basically just professed his love in the only way he would, because Dean Winchester didn't need to use words. And Castiel couldn't have been happier.

For once Castiel didn't feel bad for taking something he didn't deserve. He didn't care that Dean's love wasn't something that he should have because of all the bad that he's done. He just simply smiled and pulled the hunter in for another kiss. For the first time in Castiel's life he didn't feel obligated to give anything or ask for forgiveness, instead he decided to take. To take Dean's love and to never give it back.


End file.
